just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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