some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
