Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
