Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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