8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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