Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
