What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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