highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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