That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
