Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
