shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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