If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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