my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
