omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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