so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
where are my eyebrows?
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