i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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