Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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