you would pick up someone in the library
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
