why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
