he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
