anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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