I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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