I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
