and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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