did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
