she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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