plz talk dirty to me
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
meet me or not, i'm out of control
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
40s are totally the cure
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
