Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
