thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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