i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
