You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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