I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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