She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
