Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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