So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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