Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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