i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
