In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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