Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
