1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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