the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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