I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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