She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize