I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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