just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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