I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
