And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I party with great urgency now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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