i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
