the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
