More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
