im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
