What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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