Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
