Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pants are for mortals
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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