I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to align my fucking chakras
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
