I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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