Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
