if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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