I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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