the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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