So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
