I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
