remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
