I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
